Its Just An Obsession

Fuck it

2009-09-04T01:21:12Z

Today was one of the worst days. I can't have Matt as a friend or anything else for that matter. I really feel as though he died..a really horrible death to, nothing peaceful. I am sick to my stomach because I will never share anything with him again. I hate him and at the same time my heart aches for him. He called me a bitch in a text message today I am sure he is sick of my desperate attempts to keep him in my life. I couldn't think of any other way to hurt him so I told him that him being mean is the reason why I slept with other people and came home to him at night, and was forced to regret things. It's not true. I did sleep with someone and come home to his bed one night. It hurt so bad, I was sick. I puked that night, cried myself to sleep. It hurt me all over that I was doing something so cruel to him. But it doesn't matter now, even if he cared it wouldn't matter. Everything me and Matt related is completly over and I have to let everything go. Things that are especially hard to let go of are the good memories I have with him. We were so close. We would go on adventures like little kids on foot, or in my car, even on my bike and his skateboard. We would go thrift shopping and find books. I would bring him dinner to his work and spend a lot of time waiting for him there just because I didn't want to drive back and forth. kiki marin. Gus. fourth of july on rocky butte. funny night. Popcorn and how he called it cop porn. moving into the new house, getting snowed in, warm socks, walking in the snow, finding little notes randomly that said love you. I even miss washing his clothes or thinking of something for us to eat for dinner. Falling to sleep at night by myself to a movie knowing he would turn the tv off for me. My heart is broken in a million pieces everything about our relationship makes me cry, and extremly sad. And to make everything worse, I am now going through all of my things and realizing how much of my things were his, or how many of his things he left behind. Today was horrible and I just don't see how things are going to get better.

I am fucking really fucking stoned

2007-08-11T09:09:51Z

a day in the life of me.

I am really fucking stoned.. oh my fucking weed goddess

I really believe:that we should all do this all day and forget about anything else. that is what i really believe. dentyne ice. kit kat

lemme write something..lemme write something

SARA:
sara says matt says we should all go to sharis

people are cahbning saris

SHAIRS SHAY A RIES

I am fucking really fucking stoned

2007-08-11T09:08:03Z

A french bday!!

2007-07-05T16:10:26Z

SARA IS 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We be drinking at the bar and dancin at the clubs .. and havin fun...cause she be my MAIN mama!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAR SAR ME SHELL.
I LOVE YOU!
LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!!

For Friends/some new stuff/some old stuff

2007-04-25T19:13:24Z

I'm in the process of changing this to friends only with the EXCEPTION of a few entries here and there♥ have a wonderful day!

My Goddess

2007-03-22T21:30:40Z

Is Lily Allen

Photo:Janine/The Mercury

UGH I fucking love her music.

I can't wait til the 28th!! 6 FREAKING DAYS!

Ostara

2007-03-20T17:53:44Z

I forgot to say that today is Ostara! Today is the day I and a lot of other pagans welcome back the spring goddess from her sleepy sleepy~

Here is some cool stuff if you were curious:
Written by:Peg Aloi

Easter gets its name from the Teutonic goddess of spring and the dawn, whose name is spelled Oestre or Eastre (the origin of the word "east" comes from various Germanic, Austro-Hungarian words for dawn that share the root for the word "aurora" which means " to shine"). Modern pagans have generally accepted the spelling "Ostara" which honors this goddess as our word for the Vernal Equinox.

Anyways Today is the Vernal Equinox that means our world is completley horizontal right now!! And that spring is here!!

Blessed be! *)O(*

Here are some pictures I thought were pretty as well!!

Two Pictures

2007-02-13T00:45:04Z

One that I found:

One that I took:

I like them both

cute

2005-08-15T08:25:03Z

what is happening

2005-05-21T05:53:27Z

All of a sudden I have a lot of the things that I have wanted for the past year...I got a job that I actually like...I have Carrie back as a friends and that makes me smile, she is such a good person, I don't even deserve her loyalty and kindness , I am still good friends with Sara and even though we have had our ups and downs I can't see my life without her in it.... I have all these things and so much more, my family,my car, a home, I am so grateful and yet...............so empty.....why do I feel this way...I can't explain it maybe its because I need attention from someone that loves me which I haven't had in a long while...I feel like pulling out my hair, breaking windows...I crave attention I am just one of those people I need all eyes on me at all times I can't help it....I try to tone it down for people who get annoyed but it just backs up inside me and makes things worse...I feel like I can't be who I think I truly am without attention but I am not getting it from the source I really need it....I feel like I am just wasting away on earth, I feel worthless without this attention I feel sick. WHY in the world do I feel this way...I feel nauseous just thinking of it...I need serious help and really just want to die

THIS SONG GOES OUT TO SARA, MY ONE AND ONLY..

2005-05-12T06:33:15Z

boring day

2005-04-24T02:01:54Z

So today seems like its lasting a million hours. I went to bed last (?morning) at 5 ish. I woke up at 12ish. I have been so tired all day but can't even fall asleep. I need friends on this thing!!! Okay so thats all I have to say, told ya it was a boring day!

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Your name:	meximeltplz
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